If you call the Quarters by invoking "Billy, Joe, Jim and Bob"....

If your favorite robe has the logo of a manufacturer of major farm equipment on the back....

If you call the Gods by hollerin' "Hey y'all, watch me!"....

If you've ever harvested ritual herbs with a weed wacker....

If you've ever blessed chewing tobacco
If your Ceremonial Garb consists of cuttoffs and a tube top.

If you think "Family Tradition" is a dating club.

If your coven's secret names for the God and Goddess "Cooter" and SweetCheeks".

If you consider chewing tobacco a sacred herb.

If your circle dance include the words "dosey-do".

If your coven chose its High Priest at a belching contest.

If your annointing oil smell like "Old Spice".

If your outdoor circle has dead washing machines for quarter
altars.

If you believe that a Pentagram is a Western Union sent to 5
people.

If your altar cloth has "Dew Drop Inn" or "Motel 6" imprinted on it.

If your God statue looks like Elvis Presley.

If you ever cancelled a coven meeting to watch WWF on TV.

If you call the God & Goddess by hollerin' "Hey, Y'all! Watch me!"

If your Wand of Power is a cattle prod.

If your Spirit Guide is a pit bull.

If you can play "The Burning Times" on the banjo.

If you have a combined Maypole Dance/Tractor Pull/Turkey Shoot for Beltane.

If when your priestess says "Blessed Be" in circle, you respond with "YEEE-HAW!"

If your high priestess' hair gets caught in the ceiling fan.

If your most sacred altar items include, a'49 Ford hubcap a velvet painting of The Goddess in front of a Palm Tree and a half-empty can of chaw.

If your craft name starts with Bubba.

If you bought your chalice at the Piggly Wiggly and haven't finished the Grape Jelly yet.

If you leave beef jerky out for Samhain.

If your circle dance is a two step.

If the bell on your altar was ever worn by an animal in a pasture.

If your altar has a spit cup.

If any part of your invokation of the South Quarter includes any line from a Lynard Skynard song.

If you smoke Salem cigarettes for the historical significance.

If you found out your familiar is a 'possum - and still ate it.

If your cakes and ale is Moon Pies and RC Cola

If your quarter markers are cinder blocks
 
If your athame is a hunting knife
 
If you dismiss the quarters by saying "Y'all come back now, Y'hear

**To give credit where it's due, all of these came from the forums at Orbis de Sactus Silva and were posted by Indeshadows, Dasalyndel, and LadyRhianonMorgaine